And while sex isn’t everything in a relationship, when you harness the power of romantic sex, it’s a very juicy (and fun!) element that can help you both feel more connected.
What if he’s not in the mood and you get rejected? You end up feeling sad, bitter, angry, or hurt because he just happened to have a late lunch, isn’t hungry, or has work to finish, and you spent half of your paycheck on dinner, wine, and underwear. Kind of a buzzkill, isn’t it?
Romance comes in many different forms and, when done right, can become the living language of love between you and your partner. When you have romance in your life, it enlivens your senses and brings you closer to knowing more about yourself, your partner, your body, and your life.
Romantic sex does not mean taking the entire day preparing scallops with homemade roasted pepper cream sauce, a field greens salad with homemade dressing, German chocolate cake, and a $47 bottle of Pinot Noir. Nor does it mean lying on the dinner table in the middle of it all, wearing your sexiest red panties as your partner walks in the door after work.
But this doesn’t have to be you. Instead, try these far simpler ways to connect with your partner and make sex more romantic.
Schedule time together.
You don’t want the scenario mentioned above, do you? You’re going to want to plan a time that works for both of you, and not just expect him to follow along because you feel like romancing him tonight. Have a discussion first about wanting to take a day off (or a few hours if that’s all you’ve got) with him.
You can let him know your availability and ask him if it jives with his. Then make a plan so you’re not left in your underwear and penniless until your next paycheck. Set up a time and a place; he will appreciate it and you will both have time to fantasize about the fun you’re about to have.
Build up anticipation.
Before you see each other, text him a couple of sexy messages. Try phrases like, “I’m so excited to see you tonight” or, “I remember the last time we were together and how you rocked my world.” This will build his anticipation (and yours!) and he will be thinking about you all day.
Don’t send him a 20-paragraph message because it will be way more fun to tease him and make him imagine what he wants in between lunch and reading work emails. You don’t want to be a complete distraction until you’re in each other’s arms.
Practice heart breathing and soul gazing.
When you get into your heart space it will help you feel grounded and secure in the love you have for yourself, which allows you to open yourself up to romance. When you feel content in your heart, look into his eyes and smile. Lock eyes and stay connected with your heart, and he’ll also soften up to be more open with you. When you feel comfortable together, it will help you open up sexually. Win-win!
There is no perfect recipe for the best romantic sex because every partnership is different and you both grow and change every day. You might want to have crazy sex with your boyfriend, and that might be romantic to you. Or you could light some candles (everyone does look and feel beautiful in good lighting), pull down the sheet, and turn on the Barry White. Romance is meant to make you feel good about yourself and to get you excited to connect with someone special.
First and foremost, it starts with you feeling good about you. You can tap into that through any method that works: Taking a bath, spending time with friends, getting a massage, drinking some tea, or petting your cat. Whatever works, do it.
Because to have amazing romantic sex you need to romance yourself so you are coming from a good place, not a place of clinginess or need for affirming attention. That is not loving yourself, and if you have issues with being taken advantage of in relationships, it’s time to learn how to stop being a doormat and get the love you want.
Make yourself feel sexy.
Do some stretching and deep breathing, take a shower, and make the time to pick out clothes that make you feel beautiful, comfortable, and sexy. This way, when you see each other you will be relaxed, feeling super feminine, and it will turn him on to see you so confident.