Couples that have strong, happy relationships are not just lucky. Successful, loving relationships do not just happen. These people are taking specific actions that people in unsuccessful relationships are not taking. Do these 5 things to make your relationship a success, too.
They take personal responsibility for their own feelings.
- People in loving relationships do not make their partners responsible for their feelings. When they feel angry, hurt, anxious, depressed, resentful, irritated, guilty, or ashamed, they look within at their own thoughts to see what may really be causing their painful feelings. They don’t see themselves as victims of their partner’s choices. Rather, they learn how to manage their own feelings and discuss them with their partner.
- And when they can’t manage their own feelings? They get the help they need rather than dump anger, blame, anxiety, or depression onto their partner.
They treat themselves and their partners with kindness.
- Think for a moment about how you go through your day. Are you focused on what you don’t like in yourself or your partner? Do you spend much of your thinking time judging yourself or your partner? Or do you make kindness to yourself and others, including your partner, your highest priority?
- People in successful relationships treat themselves and their partners with kindness—kind words, kind actions, kind looks, kind listening, and kind thoughts—rather than try to control their partners with anger, judgment, criticism, irritation, blame, resistance, or withdrawal.
They learn how to manage their money in ways that don’t create stress for themselves or their partner.
- Successful couples make sure that they not only earn enough to support themselves, but they also learn how to manage their money in ways that do not create stress for themselves or their partner. They decide mutually if both of them will work or not.
- Partners in loving relationships do not unilaterally decide to stop working and live off the other person. Nor does either partner make unilateral financial decisions that have a negative effect on the other partner.
- In successful relationships, one partner does not spend money in such a way as to create stress for the other person. Loving partners mutually decide on their budget and then both of them stick to it.
They take responsibility for managing their time and space in ways that work for themselves and their partner.
- They make sure they have enough time with each other to talk, learn, resolve conflict, play, and make love. They make sure they have time with children, time for chores, time for work, and time for relaxation.
- They take care of their mutual living spaces in ways that respect their partner’s needs. If one partner tends to be neat and the other messy, they both strive to make their living environment a pleasant space for both people rather than either one complying, controlling, or resisting.
- Because their highest priority is showing kindness to themselves and each other, they are motivated to discover ways of living together that meets both of their needs.
They strive to take care of their physical health.
- When two people care deeply about themselves and each other, they strive to take care of their physical health. Loving partners do not behave in ways that cause their partner to fear for their well-being.
- They don’t take unnecessary risks, such as riding a motorcycle without a helmet. They don’t drink and drive. They eat well, get enough exercise, and don’t smoke.
- People in loving relationships do not want their partner to suffer the grief of their loss through premature illness, so they strive to take good care of themselves—partly out of caring for themselves, and partly out of caring for their partner.
- Once again, successful relationships don’t just happen. They are the result of each person taking physical, emotional, financial, organizational, and spiritual responsibility within their relationship.