My boyfriend Buddy is the first partner I have ever had with whom I share an intense physical connection. I’m talking about in the pants region. Our sex life is great.
We’ve also both got high sex drives (props to you if you are still reading this and not shaking your head with disdain) and as a result, we have sex fairly regularly. It’s become a habit, like brushing my teeth but with orgasms, so, you know…better.
I could try to wax poetic about it. I mean, I went to school to study writing and this would be a great opportunity to get flowery, but flowery isn’t real life. This is: When we have sex it is never not awesome. Even when it’s just OK it’s still bananas good sex.
But a series of events led us to go almost 2 weeks without having sex. It wasn’t a real dry spell (our lack of sex was logistical) but it was long enough that I noticed some interesting things about who we are as a couple that I wouldn’t have noticed otherwise. Here are just a few.
You relate to each other as people when you stop having sex.
- No matter how well you connect with your romantic partner when you’re having sex all the time, sex is the main way you connect. When sex isn’t being had and you’re together all the time, you let your guard down in a whole new way. I’m talking, you poop while he’s still in your apartment and comment on the aroma of the poop. That kind of new way.
You look at the future differently when you stop having sex.
- When you’re having sex all of the time it’s easy to get stuck in a delicious rut of meeting, hanging out, laughing, eating, and having sex. When you’re doing all of those things minus the sex, you realize how much you love being in this person’s company without touching their penis or vagina, it makes you think about the future in new and exciting ways.
You find your inner child when you stop having sex.
- Hot sex is great, but there is something even better about freezing your ass off in a tent in the woods wearing four pairs of pants and spouting your favorite Monty Python jokes at each other. I haven’t done that since I was 12 and it was amazing to see that little kid Becca is still there, and so is little kid Buddy.
It’s so different when you have sex again after you STOP having sex.
- When you finally DO break that dry spell and have sex again, it’s something special. It’s like having sex for the first time with someone you’ve known for years. The intimacy is deeper and the sense of connection is so much more potent.
Touch becomes so much more important when you stop having sex.
- It’s great to be all up in someone’s business having sex 24/7, but there’s something to be said about a dry spell for the way it ratchets up physical sensation. When he held my hand to help me down a rough part of a trail on a hike, or guided me through a crowd with one hand on my back, I felt more than turned on, I felt safe and protected.
- We think of having sex as the ultimate way of connecting, but sometimes it’s not having sex that can bring us back to each other.
And you really turn each other on, both emotionally and physically, in a truly special way.