Let’s be real: Sex is a big part of any relationship. But if you’re in the midst of a (really long) dry spell, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you and your partner are headed for splitsville. Sometimes this lack of love-making is due to stress, transitioning to a new medication, or something going on outside your relationship that is out of your control. No matter what it is, it’s something almost every woman will have to deal with at one point or another in her life.
Here, 5 women explain what it’s like to love your partner dearly, but not want to have sex with them.
“I had to pep talk myself into doing it once a week in order to make my partner think everything was OK.”
- “At first, I thought something was up with our relationship. We did it a lot in the beginning, like 6 times a week. We were animals, and we loved every second of it. But about a year and a half into our marriage, I was seriously never in the mood to have sex. I had to pep talk myself into doing it once a week in order to make my partner think everything was OK. The thing is, everything was OK. I loved him fully and was super attracted to him. It was a mood thing. He was always very supportive about this. He never made me feel bad about not being in the mood or anything like that. I ended up finding out I was feeling this way because of my birth control, and once the doctor took me off, I felt better and we started having a decent sex life again, doing it about 2 to 3 times a week.”
“I’ve been with females before, and I thought I was over it. I guess I’m not.”
- “When I lost interest in having sex with my boyfriend, about 2 years into the relationship, I started investigating why, and began to admit to myself that I think I’m just changing my sexual preference and may have an attraction to females. I’ve been with females before, and I thought I was over it. I guess I’m not. I still loved my boyfriend, but maybe more in a friend kind of way? My boyfriend, of course, was concerned when I told him I didn’t want to have sex for like 3 months straight. I told him the truth, and at first he was completely taken back and a little offended. We met each other in the middle, and now we have an open relationship, which I feel is modern and most people understand.”
“Guys don’t understand female hormones, and I didn’t understand why I was feeling like this.”
- “I literally woke up one day and decided I didn’t want to have sex anymore with my boyfriend. It sounds weird saying it because I didn’t wake up and also not love him anymore. I still loved him and thought he was sexy. I just lost my sexual appetite. It was ultra tough explaining this to him. Guys don’t understand female hormones, and I didn’t understand why I was feeling like this. My boyfriend and I almost broke up because of this. He took it very personally and thought I was just over him and who he was. That wasn’t the truth, and I even brought him to the doctor with me. The doctor said I was probably feeling like this because of some stress I was experiencing in my job and with my family. She said there was nothing wrong with me, and that made me feel better. It definitely made him feel better, too.”
“He told me last month we’ll take a sex class, or he will order a book on Amazon, and we’ll get back into the swing of things.”
- “I’ve been married for over 23 years. I’ve had all the sex I need to in my life, and truthfully, I’m just over it. Plus I’m a little bored. My husband doesn’t understand. He says he will try new things. He told me last month we’ll take a sex class, or he will order a book on Amazon, and we’ll get back into the swing of things. But I told him I’m good. I love him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But right now, I don’t want to have sex with him. He has to deal with that. He doesn’t have much of a choice.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I love him, and I love our life together. I just feel blah about my body.”
- “Nobody tells you this when you’re a teen or in your 20s, but sex is way different after you have kids. Mainly because I’m always tired and the last thing I want to do is get naked, show my husband my post-pregnancy body, and have sex. Don’t get me wrong, I love him, and I love our life together. I just feel blah about my body, and I’d also rather sleep when the kids sleep than stay up and have sex. We have two kids under the age of 4. Imagine that! My husband is annoyed about this. He’s not home all day, so his level of tired is consistent and based on his job. Mine is based on rowdy young kids. This is an ongoing fight in our household, and it kind of sucks..”