When I was younger, masturbation was an exciting part of discovering my sexuality. Two husbands and 5 years later, it became something that I literally never did. With work, kids, taking care of the house, and my serious cooking hobby, who has time for self-love? My interest in sex had plummeted. I lived in fear of the “M” word (menopause)—would my lady parts become as dry as the Sahara soon? A good friend of mine (who happens to have a hot sex life) told me recently that if you don’t use it you lose it. Not ready to lose anything, I decided to embark on a week of solo love.
- After pancake breakfast, soccer games, and music lessons, I finally had an hour of alone time (the hubs agreed to take everyone out, though he had no idea what I was about to get up to!). I lay down on our bed, lit a few candles for good measure and got undressed. I have to admit, I felt super awkward at first—it was almost like I was a stranger to my own body. Using some lube that I found in the back of my dresser drawer (it had probably expired in the ’90s) really helped get things going. After about 5 minutes, a wave of pleasure washed over my entire body. Oh yeah, I remembered this!
- When Dan* came back with the kids he asked me what was up with the silly grin on my face. I kept my little secret to myself—though I have to admit I was in a much better mood the rest of the day!
- After Tabata class, I hopped in the shower and reacquainted myself with our handheld shower head and its many different settings. Masturbating with water was much more intense than when I did it myself the day before. With the water pressure so consistently strong on my clitoris, I came in record time.
- I spent all morning worrying about how I was going to fit my masturbation in for the day. I told my friend about my worries and she said, “Just do it in the shower!”
- After a power walk with friends, I hit the bathroom and gave myself another shower with a happy ending. Coming was starting to feel almost like a reward—I was starting to look forward to it! Wondered what Dan would think about all of this.
- With the kids asleep and a bottle of wine opened, I told Dan about my mission for the week and he was very intrigued, to say the least. It had been about a week since we’d had sex. Truthfully, it’s usually something I do just to keep us connected. But tonight, my libido was definitely stronger than usual. Instead of our usual quick sex and fall asleep routine, we both masturbated and Dan told me he was super turned on watching me. I started to think—what if Dan was the one masturbating every day for a week? I thought it would piss me off, but I wasn’t sure why.
- I went to bed at my usual time but with thoughts of the day racing, I just couldn’t fall asleep. I remembered reading something about how masturbation actually has health benefits, like easing PMS symptoms and helping some women get to sleep. With Dan snoring beside me, I quietly rubbed one out (all the while fantasizing about Channing Tatum. Yep, I’ve seen Magic Mike more than a few times).
- With the house to myself in the morning, I decided to break out my rabbit vibrator, a gift from my bachelorette party that I’m sorry to say went pretty much unused until now. During my first marriage, I was really hung up on the fact that I could never come from intercourse alone. The rabbit had changed my life, showing me that it really is all about the clit! Even though the batteries died half way through my self-love sesh, it did make me think that it’s ok to start incorporating stuff like this into everyday life.
- Going forward, I won’t put pressure on myself to masturbate every single day, but I will definitely keep up my private shower sessions. I figure, not only does it feel good, it’s a great stress reliever and who knows, it might even help keep me looking young. I would highly recommend taking the time to masturbate every once in a while. It’s also pretty cool to be reminded that sexuality is not just something that your partner gives you or that you do in the confines of a relationship. It’s literally in your own hands.
- On the last day of my experiment, Dan and I went out on date night, then came home and had sex, which ended with me masturbating to climax. I have to admit, I did feel a lot more at ease touching myself—and it felt great.